pitythefool | IC CONTACT | TEXT / VOICE / VIDEO / ACTION

[So it's true, then.]

C-C'mon now. Quit kidding around. That doesn't sound like you at all.

[That's right. Respond just how he'd expect you to. It'd give you a better way of gauging the kid from here. It'll give you more to work with.]

Lemme guess. Something bad must've happened. Am I right?

....Yes.

[His voice is still flat and nearly lifeless, though. Which...is so very, very wrong for Ichigo. Even at his lowest points, he's never gotten to the very bottom like this before.]

...I'm tired of everything. This place...everything. I can't go anymore.

This is probably gonna sound a little empty coming from me, but... I kinda get how you feel.

[Adachi's getting a little tired of this place, too, but not for the same reasons.

Hanamura nearly threw in the towel last month, now Kurosaki's about to do the same. The Box really seems to have this sort of effect on people, he's come to notice. What is it about this place that drives people to this? It's really starting to piss him off. Sure, the Techs are twisted, but if Adachi really wanted to meddle with their games, he's reasonably sure he's got what it takes to turn the tables on them.

The way things are going now, that temptation's growing even stronger...]

...You do?

[He'd expected to be lectured, maybe even yelled at. Like what he'd done to Yosuke over the network, but...

He can't help but feel relieved that someone feels the same way. That he's not alone in this - and especially when it's Adachi saying it.]

Yeah, actually. I do.

[Whether it's the Box he's come to know or the world back home he knows all too well, it's all the same to him. It's all full of shit. And now? Adachi's been given the perfect opportunity to reinforce it.]

Listen. If it's not too much trouble, why don't you swing by my place for a while? We can... Y'know. Talk it out, and stuff. You think that'll help at all?

...Yeah. I'll be over in a bit.

[He doesn't have an inkling towards Adachi's real feelings, but he knows that he doesn't want to stay in his house anymore. Not when Orihime's not there.

It's really only a few minutes until he shows up at Adachi's doorstep, the bags under his eyes and the hopeless look contained inside of them showing just how bad he's really off as he walks into the house without even a hello.]

[Adachi opens up the front door, concern etched in his features.]

Hey, Ichig -

[Oh. Okay. Come on in, then. Adachi stares off after him - geez, he looks terrible - before shutting the door.]

Go ahead and grab a seat. [He gestures to the musty sofa in the middle of the den before clasping his hands back together, pondering.] Er... Can I get you anything? Water or...

[Ichigo wordlessly follows the gesture, flopping down on the couch hard and staring at his hands.]

I don't want anything.

[His voice is still flat, with no intonations.

Sorry, Adachi. Looks like you'll have to carry the conversation for a bit.]

Sure. Suit yourself.

[Saves Adachi the trouble of wandering back into the kitchen, anyway. Instead, he heads over in Ichigo's direction, pulling up a nearby chair and setting it in place just a ways away from the couch, seating himself just opposite Kurosaki.]

Like I was saying, I get where you're coming from. I mean, I dunno what it is that happened that's got you so down in the dumps, but whatever it is? ...I won't mince words here, it sounds like it must've been pretty shitty for you. Right?

...I watched Inoue die.

[Ichigo's quiet as he says that, not looking at Adachi in the slightest. Sure, the other man had only been in his house for a small while, but...he'd seen Orihime, even though she was under the influence of the delusions everyone suffered.

But he might have not known how much she meant to Ichigo.]

It was...in the zoo. I was stuck on the outside, and...I couldn't stop it.

[He grits his teeth, shutting his eyes in anguish.]

All I could do was watch.

[There's genuine surprise in Adachi's eyes. He'd been expecting something that must've happened to Ichigo directly; he wasn't expecting anything to have happened to a girl like Orihime. A nice girl like her...]

...Man. I'm sorry. I didn't think...

[He lets out a heavy breath. As if this wasn't serious enough already.]

You must really care about her, huh?

[He jerkily nods, gritting his teeth again and letting out a sigh.]

...She's my nakama.

[Being japanese, Adachi should know what that word means.]

...It's alright. People die all the time here, right?

[Just as hopeless as before, but with a desperate note inside.

Trying to tell himself that in hopes it'll stop hurting.]

Edited 2014-10-22 04:55 (UTC)

[Nakama. Colleagues. Comrades. Friends. Just friends. Good to know.]

Yeah, but, that doesn't mean that's not gonna affect you in some way, shape, or form. You're only human, y'know?

I'm tired of getting affected by all of this shit.

[The harsh note of bitterness that's been hinting in his voice comes out full force, hard enough to take someone's breath away. he finally raises his head, staring angrily into the distance.]

I'm tired of watching people I care about get hurt and die in front of me and I have no fucking way of changing it. I'm sick of knowing that I'm trapped here, along with everyone I give a damn about because some assholes say we should be. I'm tired of seeing those same people vanish, and being both upset that they're gone and happy that they won't have to deal with any of this anymore. That their suffering is over while we keep crawling on the damn ground in agony!

[His volume slowly grows, until he's yelling out that last bit.

Then he flops back on the couch, breathing hard, lifting his arms and placing his hands on his face.

When he talks next, it's quiet. Soft. and so very, very sorrowful.]

...And I'm....I'm so tired. I'm tired of this shitty fucking place. I'm tired when I wake up, and when I go to sleep, and it never fucking changes.

I just...want it all to stop.

[Oh, wow. It's all coming out now. He'd gotten a brief taste of all that resentment, fear, and hatred just a couple weeks ago, when the Hollow had come out to play. But this is the real deal. This is Ichigo Kurosaki himself, spilling his guts to someone he really shouldn't trust with all this information.

There he goes, anguish tearing its way out of his throat while Adachi just sits back and listens. Or maybe he's just watching. It's difficult to say.

He gives the kid a bit of time to recuperate, once he's done. Gives himself some time to keep composed and figure out how best to proceed. And he does.]

So you're just going through the motions, at this point. I hear ya. I mean, if you think about it... it's really not that different from the world we left behind, is it?

Edited 2014-10-22 05:35 (UTC)

[He'd expected to be yelled at. A lecture, telling him to not give up, to keep trying to live in this shithole. It's what he'd say to someone who said the same thing he said - and what he'd said to Yosuke, when he'd admitted to wanting to give up.

So when Adachi says - yet again - that he understands, it's like a mild shock to his system. But then that question follows up, and it's like a punch to the gut.]

I-

[his kneejerk reaction is to say no, that's not true, but...was it, really? he had friends back then - but he had friends here, and it changed nothing.

Unbidden, the memory of all the times he'd been judged come to mind - the teachers and people on the street who looked at him, seeing nothing but a thuggish punk and a living flaw on their society. The way people in gangs looked at him, assuming his hair was dyed, a cheap way of imitating them. Of students in the hallways, gossiping about what he'd done and how many times he'd been arrested for beating up people and extorting money.

Of police officers watching him like a hawk whenever he appeared in their narrow field of vision, waiting and practically itching for him to take a single mis-step so they could swoop in and be the triumphant heroes, talking of a tragic story of youth gone wrong and the heroic officers that set him straight, got him to stop dying his hair and step in line like a good child.

Memories of a world long gone, and yet it only increases his bitterness. There were bright spots, yes - all his friends and family, who didn't care about what he looked like, what their culture said he should be - but in his current state, they're so hard to remember...and they're so small.

Finally, he lowers his hands, staring at what he's sure would be the ceiling if his 'sight' was able to see it.

The blackness in his vision fits better with his mood, anyway.]

...Yeah. You're right.

[So tired. Tired enough that he doesn't stop to think of how strange this is, coming from the cheerful detective he knows.

He just knows that it feels right.]

[Talking to Kurosaki's always been a breath of fresh air for him. Because unlike Seta or the rest of his Brat Pack, there's no resistance. No insistence, no plugging his fingers into his ears and pretending that he can't understand what Adachi has to say. The detective's lip curls ever so slightly when Ichigo agrees.

If the kid's still having trouble, then it's up to good ol' Adachi-san to make him understand.]

Don't get me wrong, though. There's plenty of positives if you know where to look.

[The occasional knockout who might lower her standards for you. The people with power who are willing to look the other way, provided you can return the favor. Or the other little things in life that can work to your advantage.]

But I've still got a couple of years on you, so you're gonna have to trust me on this one. 'Cause honestly? It's a harsh world out there.

[Both here and home. He doesn't need to specify as to which is worse. Let Ichigo read between the lines.]

Shit happens. Most of the time, to the people that don't deserve it at all. And the people who do just run with it. You're not careful enough, they'll take it as an opportunity to walk all over you. You try and get back up, they'll find another reason to pin you back down. Because that's just what they expect out of you.

[Another whisper of disagreement rings in the back of his head, but it's quickly drowned out by his bitterness, the pain he feels. And every single word that comes out with Adachi's mouth resonates with it, soothes it like balm on irritated skin.

He's reminded, not just of home, but here - after the quarantine. The hate in people's eyes as he walked the streets, everyone suffering from the illness he'd let out into the populace. He didn't blame them then, and he still didn't blame them now- but it didn't stop him from hurting. It didn't stop him from knowing that they were just waiting for him to mess up again, to make one single mistake so they could dog pile on him and feel self-righteous over the idiot teenager that damned everyone.

People expected the worst from him - not just at home, but here, too.

Shit happened. And he was tired of it.]

...Yeah. I -

[He stops, unsure of what to say, fingers picking at a stray thread on his threadbare shirt.]

...I don't want it to be like this. But what the hell else can I do?

[Pain, anguish, bitterness - yes, it's so very obvious that the hollow just amplfied those traits, gave voice to them. Because right now, the air around Ichigo practically writhes with those emotions, a sharp anger rising in his previously empty eyes.]

I'm tired of being strong - of pretending I'm strong. There's -

[The next words catch in his throat, and it almost feels Wrong to consider saying them.

But...

Yosuke didn't trust him. Rin and the rest quietly faded away from him when he moved away. Kon and Ishida were....Kon and Ishida, and Orihime...

...he didn't want to burden her. But that meant...]

...There's no one I can really rely on.

[But then...something occurred to him. Quietly, he looked at Adachi, staring at the other's dark red soul and the strange fog that lied there.]

....Except you, Adachi.

[He's sincere, and it shows.

Adachi has always been there for him - and hell, even in this situation, he was the first person Ichigo thought to call. The detective was his friend...his precious nakama. The bond they had between them, Ichigo believed, was strong and true.

Adachi would never lie to him.

Adachi would never hurt or betray him.

And more than anything, he desperately wanted to believe that. Had to believe that, in this fucked up world.

Because if he didn't, what else did he have?]

[Nothing. If not for Adachi, there wouldn't be a goddamned thing keeping Ichigo in check. Which, as you could imagine, does wonders for his ego.]

You really mean that...?

[There's no doubt in his mind that Ichigo's made plenty of enemies in town, especially after what happened with the quarantine, but if the party was any indication, ichigo's still not entirely without friends. Nakama like Inoue and family like Kon. People who accept him out of obligation, Adachi figures. Because they've known each other for so long that they wouldn't dare abandon him now, no matter what sorts of atrocities he may have committed here in the Box.

Just like...

...God. Kids really do give him the creeps.

Not this one, though. Because he's different from the others. Because as much as Ichigo likes playing "hero," it doesn't sound like he thinks it's all cracked up to be. For "one who protects," he really doesn't spend too much time focusing on number one, now does he? But so long as he's not focused on himself, perhaps more of his attention could be shifted in Adachi's direction. After all, it sounds like his bonds with the others have only gotten him so far.]

...Thanks, Ichigo. That means a lot. [A beat and a cleared throat.] Listen, so long as we're stuck here, it's probably gonna be like this for a while. Shitty, I mean. So I can't exactly sugarcoat things and say tomorrow's gonna be a new day, because who knows what's gonna happen tomorrow? I mean, it's not like I can predict the future or anything...

Anyway. I guess what I'm trying to say here is that no matter what happens...

[Time, then, for Adachi to take this one step further.]

I'll be counting on you, too. You know that, right?

I do.

[He means it from the bottom of his heart. He trusts Adachi, leans on him because he's so dependable and would leap to defend him if needed. Hell, he'd easily die for Adachi, even though death was something impermanent here.

But although he looks solemn through most of the detective's little speech, he practically lights up at the last part.]

Yes. I won't let you down, Adachi.

[Some of that normal determination creeps back into his voice, and it's plain that he's just so eager to be someone that the older man counts on. That was friendship, plan and simple - having each other's backs, forming a bond that could not be broken. He'd felt only like a burden, these past few months - only asking for Adachi's help or advice, and never giving anything in return. So if he could be of some help, no matter how small...

He gives a tired, not entirely there smile. It's still stained by his utter depair, his emptiness, but he manages to give something despite how he feels. Trying his best, over and over, to the point of tearing himself apart in order to make the people he loves feel more at ease.

He doesn't ever consider himself number one, in the end. And that's alright...isn't it?]

IC CONTACT | TEXT / VOICE / VIDEO / ACTION | box_network

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject